Ego can be dangerous
by Bl4ckHunter
Summary: One-shot story. Tony and Bruce make a daring bet which does not end well for them due to their egos getting in the way.


**Something I found in some _Avengers_ comic books and found funny.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in _Marvel Cinematic Universe_.**

* * *

**_Avengers Tower_**

"Congratulations are in order, Dr. Banner." Tony said as he entered and Bruce was pouring himself a mug of coffee as he turned to Tony in confusion.

"Congratulations, Tony. What exactly am I…"

"No. Not me. You. You won the Portent Award from the Future Society of Futurists." Tony corrected as Bruce widened his eyes.

"Are you kidding me?" Bruce asked, disbelieved.

"I know! I couldn't believe it either!" Tony said.

"What does that mean?" Bruce asked, offended.

"Don't get me wrong, it was great but… it's just… futurism isn't exactly your thing, you know?" Tony said, uncomfortable. "They cited your presentation you did at Empire State University and it was great but…"

"But… what?" Bruce asked, narrowing his eyes, with an edge in his tone.

"A bummer a bit, if you ask me. I saw a bit of it on YouTube." Tony said, nearing his fingers together to indicate the size.

"OK, I admit, things about my presentation style need some refining and improvement." Bruce conceded.

"That's all I meant." Tony said.

"But unlike you, I'm substantive." Bruce added.

"Excuse me? You mean that I'm not substantive?" Tony asked, his ego bruised.

"No, no, you are but you're… also… how to put it… razzle-dazzle-y." Bruce said.

"Razzle-dazzle-y?" Tony asked, blushing.

"You do razzle-dazzle." Natasha nodded as she entered.

"That you do." T'Challa said.

"With all due respect, Black Widow and Panther, this was a private conversation." Tony snapped at them.

"It wasn't." Steve said. "Look, we have a problem. In Camp Vostok, a guy named Sergei Sorokin went dark regarding this lake buried under Antarctica. No one has heard of him for a month."

"I know Sergei, he wouldn't bail like that." Bruce nodded.

"Yeah, he wouldn't. We should check it out and I bet you a one hundred grand that my team will find him sooner than you." Tony said.

"Wait, what?" Steve and Natasha demanded in unison.

"Come on, it'll be fun and your chance to proof your scientific superiority to my crass commercial gadgetry. Come on. Put your money where your moth is and my tech and my dogged optimism will clash with your raw science and your… dourness."

"I'm not dour. I'm low-key, also, I'm not a bazillionaire and even if I accepted your terms, I wouldn't do this for money because I don't have an ego of your size." Bruce sneered.

"Fair enough, simple bragging rights then. Whoever wins gets the satisfaction of having the other recognize their point of view and general and intellectual superiority." Tony said. "Plus, the loser walks buck naked from the Avengers Tower to Baxter Building and back."

Bruce smirked. "Sounds like you want to lose."

"OK, now for the teams." Tony clapped his hands as he turned to Steve and Natasha. "Are you…"

"Are you out of your mind?" Steve snapped.

"Uh-uh, when hell freezes over." Natasha immediately shook her head. "You know what, Steve and I are gonna be judges and referees. You two can have one teammate."

* * *

"Hey, you busy?" Tony entered Wanda's room. "I need your help with…"

"No." Wanda said, closing the door with her powers, slamming them into Tony's face. "I'm not gonna embarrass myself for you."

* * *

"Hulk want to bet…" Hulk said awkwardly.

"Pffft. No. I'm not gonna join another one of Tony's dumb shenanigans." Rhodey declined.

* * *

"Uh-uh. Forget it. I have better things to do than these petty games." Clint declined.

* * *

"No. You seriously think I'm gonna risk people seeing my junk?" Sam laughed.

* * *

"I have better things to do than these petty games." T'Challa declined.

* * *

"I'm in." Peter said.

"Hulk thanks puny Spider…"

"No, I meant Mr. Stark." Peter corrected and Tony spluttered at Hulk, who glowered.

"Will the lightning god join Hulk?" Hulk asked. "Lightning god be Hulk's first choice…"

"After Steve, Wanda, Natasha and Clint." Thor said, scowling as Hulk felt uncomfortable before Thor laughed. "I just jest, Hulk, my ego may be big but it is not so easily slighted."

* * *

**_Siberia_**

Thor, Iron Man, Hulk and Spider-Man entered the facility as they saw blood everywhere.

"OK, this doesn't look good." Tony said as he saw the dead scientists everywhere. "I'm starting to think it may have been a mistake to bring you, kid, no offense."

"Mr. Stark, I played "Doom" and saw "Alien", all of them. I don't get scared that easily." Spider-Man said, although it seemed like he was trying to sound brave.

Instead of a silly game, now it became life and death situation.

"OK, what do we have here? A group of scientists drill down to a 20-million year old lake and end up slaughtered." Tony said, scanning the place. "It seems like some kind of a bacteria killed them, bursting from the inside and they were incubators but how did they get infect…" Suddenly, Tony's eyes widened as Hulk reached for a tub and drank from the water in it as Tony turned to him in horror. "Hulk, no! Don't drink the water!"

"Stark? What just happened?' Thor asked.

"Bruce may have just swallowed a monster." Tony groaned as Hulk turned into Bruce and vomited.

"Oh, God…"

"Guys, we found Sorokin, he's a possible passenger on an unauthorized takeoff from Birdsville, Australia, heading north." Natasha said.

Bruce vomited as Tony force-fed him with salty crackers from the fridge.

* * *

Steve and Natasha were in an airplane chase in a Quinjet as they chased Sorokin's plane as Spider-Man swung towards them, webbing Sorokin's plane.

* * *

"That's not enough." Tony realized as Bruce groaned. "I'm sorry, Bruce." Suddenly, he shot Bruce with a small dart. "Nanites, it should purge the virus but it's gonna hurt."

Bruce spasmed and screamed in pain before they heard alarm.

"What is it?" Tony asked.

* * *

"Tony, the signature from the water, it's from a dam nearby, we detected a signal hacking it and opening the dam, it's gonna infect millions of people!" Natasha said.

* * *

"We gotta suck it up and spit it into the space." Tony said.

* * *

Thor flew out and spun the Mjolnir, sucking the water from the dam into a cyclone and flying it up in the air until it froze as he threw it into the deep space and struck it with the lightning, destroying it.

* * *

Peter, Steve and Natasha entered the flying plane.

"Help!" Sorokin yelled, obviously a hostage.

"Hang on!" Natasha shot down some mercenaries as Spider-Man webbed up the rest before the leader faced Steve.

"You think this is over? The microbes have been released and all you can do is delay…"

Steve whacked him in the face with his shield.

"I think it's over." Steve quipped.

* * *

**_Later, Avengers Tower_**

"What flavor is that?" Tony asked as Bruce was eating from a bucket of ice cream, still sick from the infection.

"Caramel and walnuts with a pinch of despair." Bruce said, tired. "Hulk can't smash a virus or punch a drug."

"No, but what the Hulk can't do, Dr. Banner can." Tony assured him. "How many times have we saved the world?"

"Not enough." Bruce sighed.

"But we're the Avengers. Together we can beat…"

"Good morning and Drop your pants, you loser a-holes!" Quill said as he entered with Steve, Natasha, Peter, Thor and the remaining Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy.

"Pardon?" Bruce asked, confused.

"They told us what's been going on and we didn't want to miss the fun." Gamora said.

"You lost. You owe us one naked walk of shame from here to Baxter Building and back." Pepper said.

"Wait, who lost?" Tony asked, confused.

"You two did." Clint said.

"What?!" Tony and Bruce demanded, shocked.

"The challenge was, who finds Sorokin first, which was neither of you but us." Natasha explained.

"And as your teammates, the spiderling and I agreed that as the leaders of teams, you two shall represent the losing teams. All in favor, say thee aye."

"Aye." All the Avengers said as Tony and Bruce turned to each other in horror.

* * *

A moment later, the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, Scott Lang, Hope van Dyne, Janet and Hank Pyms, Bucky Barnes, T'Challa, Okoye, Nakia, Shuri, Matt Murdock, Foggy Nelson, Karen Page, Jessica Jones, Trish Walker, Luke Cage, Danny Rand, Colleen Wing, Misty Knight, Claire Temple, Nick Fury, Maria Hill and Daisy Johnson, Lance Hunter and Bobbi Morse, among the spectators observed Tony's and Hulk's naked walk of shame as everyone pulled out their phones, trying to take pictures as parents covered their children's eyes.

Frank Castle observed from a rooftop, laughing at the sight as he watched through his goggles. Phil Coulson also watched from another rooftop, not wanting to put the Avengers through more pain, enjoying the sight.

"Hi there! Tony Stark! How's it going?" Tony waved around, unashamed unlike Hulk, who grumbled as people were trying to take pictures. "I don't recall many people out here this time of morning. Why do I have the feeling…"

"I might have received an anonymous… tip about certain people's walk of shame. Ellison will love this." Karen Page giggled.

"How did they find out?" Scott asked.

"Someone may have leaked the information on the Internet." Natasha said with an evil smirk. "Oops."

"You're evil, you know that?" Steve chuckled.

"Something's wrong with my phone." Karen said, trying to get a picture of Tony and Hulk walking down the street, naked but for some reason she could not turn on the camera in her phone.

"Hulk not want pictures on interwebs!" Hulk protested as Tony turned to him, smirking.

"Don't worry, big guy, I've got…"

"…a high-powered cell-phone jammer in his right hand." Pepper explained.

"Well, pity. What a bummer." Karen grumbled, wanting to get an embarrassing picture of Tony and Hulk.

"Relax, we got this covered." Natasha said.

"Well, I can't wait to see their faces on the newspapers." Clint snickered.

"Hey, Mr. Stark. Mr. Hulk." Spider-Man descended from above, hanging on a web and pulling out a digital camera. "Say "Cheese"!"

"Kid, no, no…"

* FLASH *

"Nooooo!"

* * *

Later in the afternoon, the front page of newspapers were labeled "NAKED JUSTICE! CELEBRITY AVENGERS BARE THEIR SOULS AND MORE." With a photo of Tony and Hulk greatly embarrassed and censored blurs on their crotches and the medias earned millions from the article.

* * *

**Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.**

**With regards**

**_Bl4ckHunter_**


End file.
